I was a career woman before I had kids. I admit, I thought that the stay-at-home life looked pretty easy. I mean, you take care of a child (or two, or three, or seven) and keep the house tidy and make dinner. How hard is that?
If you've ever wondered what, exactly, stay-at-home parents do with their time, I thought I'd give a glimpse of a typical day in our life. Wednesday, to be exact.
A Day in the Life of a (Lazy, ADHD) Stay-at-Home Parent
5:00 am - Sleep. Drool a little.
5:20 am - Husband's alarm goes off. Grunt and roll over.
6:00 am - Hear the house alarm beeping as husband resets it on his way out.
6:15 am - Sleep.
6:30 am - Sleep.
7:00 am - Sleep.
7:30 am - Alarm goes off. Kids are starting to stir. Grin at their coos, then curse and turn off the baby monitor as they begin their morning ritual of shouting "HELP! THIS IS NOT MY MOM! HELP! THIS IS NOT MY DAD!" to see who can do it loudest.
8:00 am - Roll out of bed. Pick out kid clothes. Assemble "car breakfasts" on plastic plates (Fiber One bar, banana, multivitamins, raisins... OMG! Two fruits! I did it without even trying. Suck it, Sara!) and portable milk sippy cups.
8:30 am - Leave for preschool.
9:10 am - Arrive at preschool. What is UP with the traffic lately? Deposit one child at the school.
9:45 am - Grocery store with toddler. I actually enjoy going to the store with just one kid. Not as much as I enjoy sitting on my couch, mind you, but somewhat.
11:00 am - Get 3/4 through checking out with a full cart of groceries and realize I left the debit card in my car. Remedy the situation then return home to unload.
11:30 am - Leave to get kid from preschool.
12 n - 1:00 pm - Retrieve child, go to car wash / bank / gas station.
1:15 pm - Race into the house before I pee my pants. Wash hands then prepare lunch.
1:45 pm - Restart the load of stinky laundry I forgot to dry (okay, "didn't want to get off my ass and dry" is more accurate) last night. Set the stove timer for one hour then sit down to play Plague, Inc.
2:45 pm - Timer goes off. Grumble. Unload dishwasher, change laundry loads, reset timer, return to video game.
3:45 pm - Timer goes off. Grumble. Change laundry loads, "tidy" for five minutes, dye hair purple. Shower.
5:00 pm - Prepare dinner for kids.
6:00 pm - Bathe kids.
7:30 pm - Daddy comes home. Brush teeth / potty / jammies / bedtime stories / lullabies / bed.
7:45 pm - Husband prepares himself dinner.
8:00 pm - Watch Dexter.
9:30 pm - Husband shaves and goes to bed.
10:00 pm - Video games.
12 m - Soothe child who has inexplicably begun screaming. Then go to bed.
7:30 am - Start over.
In comparing my day as a stay-at-home parent to my colleague's I see one or two teensy areas that could be improved. Just the entire afternoon is all. And the eating dinner as a family thing. Cooking for my spouse. Just those things.
Still, best job ever.
(Typed with a four-year-old literally on my back who is explaining why she didn't bring the grasshopper she found at school home for a pet. She also wants to know if corn snakes actually eat corn. And if the mole on the back of my neck has brains in it. Perhaps there is a little more to this job than I give myself credit for.)