April 21, 2012

Men's Rights Movement


The men's rights activists on Reddit don't want to talk to me. I made the mistake of identifying myself as a "feminist" when I first started posting and it's gone downhill from there. For some bizarre reason they seem to think feminists are a single organized group of man-hating psychos.

All feminists

In my ignorance I was going by the Merriam Webster definition:
The advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.
Forgive me if I sound bitter, but I wasn't exactly welcomed into the fold. In fact I was eventually told:
"We don't want you, we don't need you, fuck off."
Well, sir, I happen to be raising a man and I care a lot more about him than I do about you. If our society promotes injustice against men it will affect him so, with all due respect, you fuck off.

The men's rights movement, like any other group, is filled with humans. Some are assholes, some aren't, and even some of the assholes have valid points.

My favorite comment sums up many of the men's rights issues beautifully:

"We are vulnerable because we are expected to be invulnerable."

Here are a few points I can sink my teeth into.

Nobody cares about domestic violence against men. 

Women (and gay men) can be abusive, too, but society doesn't provide any protection for men in dangerous relationships.

Consider the case of Katherine Knight, the Australian murderer who carved up her partner with her own professional butcher knives, then cooked him into steaks. 

Prior to becoming dinner the victim contacted Katherine's ex-husband in terror and attempted to learn how he escaped the marriage. On the day of his murder the victim told co-workers that she was going to kill him, but he had to return home for the sake of his children.

Men have nowhere to hide when they are victims of abuse.

We assume men are always receptive to sexual advances. 

I did it myself in this post.
"Let's face it, the best possible outcome of every conversation for a man is a blow job."
I apologize.

I won't go into detail about the implications of unwanted sexual advances because they are the same for men as they are for women.

Men are consistently screwed when it comes to child custody. 

I'll be honest, as a mom I hate this one. I know a woman who had custody taken away from her by a judge who wanted to win one for Team Dad. She's a great mom and there was no good reason for the kids to be removed from her custody.

Think about this, though: that happens to dads constantly. Dads don't get custody unless mom is dead or a junkie (usually). What happened to my friend wasn't fair, but what happens to dads isn't fair either. Instead of the joy of parenting, dads are saddled with the enormous financial burden of child support.

We need a better system. On the topic of dads...

Dads aren't considered real parents.

I've already written about this. It's my top post of all time (look at the sidebar). My article was published at The Good Men Project. The subject obviously resonates with many people.

Women are trying to have their cake and eat it, too. 

If we claim to want equality we need to behave as equals. Here's a great illustration of the problem (click to enlarge):

I don't agree with everything they have to say, but the Men's Rights Movement has validity and deserves respect. 

By the way, a person who seeks equality for everyone is called an egalitarian. I guess that's how I should have introduced myself.   -Kim (an egalitarian)


Additional reading:
What We Stand For

Wikipedia Men's Rights


  1. Yes....
    Feminist you're not not, egalitarian you are. !!
    Just like me, and my girlfriend, and slowly, all the people I come into contact with...
    Keep it up, you're styling now ....

  2. Thank you for being fair. When I began reading I thought "Oh great,here we go.." but you managed to be the better person and continue to explore the issue. Nicely done. I am sorry for your friend who lost custody of her children, we men can empathize with her all day long. There needs to be a better way.

  3. Thank you for your thoughtful analysis, Kim. But (there's always a but, isn't there, but this one is a nice one), I would encourage you to research the difference between eGALitarian and eQUALitarian. You have to dig into old dictionaries or grind through the OED. They are not synonymous. eGALitarianism is about equal results, while eQUALitarianism is about equal rights, opportunities, equal in the eyes of the law, and so on. And you, I suspect, are an equalitarian, not an egalitarian.


All opinions welcome, but play nice or be deleted.